Are you serious?

Hello I have bad news I've gained 2 kgs since I've arrived. And one would think the Third World has no food. Okay that was insensitive I'm sorry. I am just so bored! And, still, no pictures.

I have nothing to blog about except that I woke up at 830, read Amy Tan's The Opposite of Fate, watched the whole of CSI:NY, a bit of Prince of Tennis, had lunch, then nap, then a few friends came over, they drove to dinner and now I'm eating goreng pisang with sprinkles of palm sugar. And lazing in my bed. Okay thanks for the enthusiasm. (And God, thank you for the weight gain, there's no need to be so generous in that department, thanks).

On the bright side, I am going to have a life soon, I hope.

XOXO from Makassar-city!! Kiss kiss I need a life please.

Sometimes you become delusional

Sometimes you think you did us all a favour. Sometimes you think only you tried to make it okay again. But it's not, right?

It has been over for a couple of years now. So don't push it. Is it any worth even, trying to piece back "what we all once had"?

Ha-ha-ha the ironies of life. Really.. Destabilising.

P/s: since I cannot reply people on my tagboard (must be the third world provider), I will reply tags here instead.

Tabi: I am already in Indonesia! Will see you soon, when I return. Update me okay!
Donkx and Hystericalista: You know what I want to say.. So why am I even replying here.
Jiawen: I will miss you too.
Q: (LET US NOW PRETEND THAT SHE TAGGED ME. Oh shut up you) I will miss you although you can be such a pain in the butt and you are very emotionally draining.
Jan: JANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! (All's said).

A very delayed post

Sorry pals I haven't been updating, and I'm now in the Third World already. My internet had died in the First World, but now perfectly functioning at 52.0kbps in the Third World. Exactamundo. Yeap.

So! A Levels came and went, the days of liberation came (hasn't gone yet), grad night came and went. Let's see. Hmmm. I will update with pictures as soon as I get a scanner, which is technically downstairs but I am too tired to go and fetch the damned thing. Lots of Grad Night pictures.

Oh before I left I celebrated Christmas early with the Istanbul gang! So called because we had turkey for dinner. Istanbul, Turkey geddit geddit! And Ngeowson is going to Bangkok soon, how I wish I were vacationing somewhere too. Damn! Mom wants to subject me to child labour here. Unpaid. Well she says she'll give me Rp 5000 for lunch daily (that is er 66 singapore cents).

Oh yeah thanks Kal for the presents I love them! And donkx for the letter & card. And everyone else for the well wishes. Ok I will update more with pictures next time! I don't want my famil y to see this.

"As flies are to wanton boys, are we to History examiners", says Daryl

Goodbye Maclaurin, goodbye Mr Marshall and Mr Lerner.
Farewell Lech Walesa, Farewell Jimmy Carter.
Destiny had brought us together,
Thank God for your parting.

I long for the day I say goodbye to Budi Utomo and Toh Chin Chye, in approximately 57 hours from now. It'll all be over. (I say it like it's really been a torture when in fact I hadn't studied enough). Well one thing I definitely don't want to do is say goodbye to the friends I've made in my short stint as a pseudo-student in CJ the past 2 years. Jan Hwee Huiying, I met them only in 1T06. I'll leave that for another day, a more appropriate time for a more heartfelt entry. Geez.

There is a certain fucker on my tagboard. Yeah la public domain la this is public space not private lah. Okay lah fuck you lah. GP lah. Internet so public lah. CNA blogtv.sg lah.

There are so many things I want to say yknow. But as I've said above, this is public space.
P/S: I miss you three too you know who you are. I saw in one of your blogs. ;)
P/P/S: I have an advice for you who take your friends for granted, they won't withstand your wear and tear.

Just being a teenage dirtbag

I only wanted to ask, what is wrong with hedonism? I mean, hedonism just means liking/loving (no difference nowadays between those words anyway) to seek pleasure right? What right does someone have to judge another as being shallow, and hedonistic as if it's a dirty word. If Kancheong Spider derives loads of high and pleasure from studying, how come her hedonism is not dirrrrrty and wanting to dress up is?

Don't judge me by what I wear, what I listen to, don't judge me by my friends. Don't use me against my friends. Don't judge us for our preferences.

It is unnatural.

It was not a rant, just wondering. I also need to clarify some issues. There seems to be a correlation between action and intention, duh, most times. But sometimes intention does not equate to action. So if you meant/intended for something to take place, but it doesn't, does that mean you're not responsible for how it turned out? Or things just got out of hand? What about a transaction of the intangible, quid pro quo at first, reluctant, but if you give in and buckle under pressure, whose fault is it that you crumble?

Mine? Or yours?

O Look What You've Done!

So today was really weird: Good and Bad!

Good:
1) Pops won the lottery!
2) I'm on the phone.

Bad:
1) Math
2) My brother's tooth got chipped.

My brother's front tooth got chipped (again)!

Me: So does it hurt?
Him: Yeah, when the wind blows.

Another instance,

Me: Eh I call your twon front teeth Chip(ped) and Dale. -Pats self for good humour.
He shot me a murderous look.

I think today I was queen of puns.

While talking to Hweeying this afternoon,
Hwee: Yeah you didn't know that we used to call Ms Chua dinosaur egg?!
Me: NO!
Hwee: But don't you think she looks like a dinosaur egg?!??!?!
-Convulses with laughter
An afterthought a while later,
Me: She really, really cracks me up!

Ciao, bella.

THIRTEEN DAYS TO COMPLETE AND ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTE LIBERATION

Yah math p1 is over! Now doom (Stats) is impending. I don't know what I'm doing online, but I really am drained from the arduous (hyperbole) three hour paper that we took just now. Well the paper was quite a bitch, all of us lost marks here and there, but I won't go into that.

Thanks to everyone who texted to wish me good luck! Haha so exciting. 13 days to go, and hopefully 14 days from now I'll be freezing my ass off in Tsim Sha Tsui! I know damn touristy la, but the retail industry is damn good. Hopefully. But I don't know how to break the news to mom yet. She's going to call later, I know it. She's so suspicious these days. God knows why, really. I'm cracking my head thinking of how I should er ask her about HK. How about..

Mom: Okay are you studying?
Me: Yeah I study super hard everyday now
Mom: Ok, good. You sleep early ok? I have KD to watch. Night!
Me: Yeah night! Amiallowedtogohongkongtwoweeksfromnow. BYE!

(For the uninitiated KD is Korean Drama).

Or this scenario?

Mom: Did you go out today
Me: No (in a curt manner). Ok I go study already la you talk to Epeng.
Mom: Huh why are you in such a bad mood. Stress ah.
Me: Yeah. Sigh. I need a holiday after A's lah -grumbles-
SILENCE
Me: I saw SIA advertising promotion tickets to HK....
SILENCE

So vote please the first or the second scenario?

Well otherwise, I can just settle for KL I think? But just look the juxtapose.



Can you tell which is which? No lah, there were very few pok KL pictures, I took very long to search for a pok enough picture (for the sake of comparing and contrasting). But actually the KL picture has a certain quaint charm to it as well. So I'll quit being such a brat, and just be happy that my papers are ending soon, and that I have family and friends to pray for me.

Chink out a-la Lee Hom! I hate him.

Math 9233 Paper 1

Yeah my paper is in 2 and half hours approximately and I am here online to de-stress haha or maybe I'm in denial. Ok wish me luck please. Hweeying and I are thoroughly sick of studying although we haven't really been the most diligent students around.

Heard some news from palzx yesterday, made my day. I feel so evil and malicious, but it's ok. I will not hesitate to admit I love the piece of good news. Okay so wish my friends and I a lot of luck thank you very much.

P/S: Jiawen if you're reading this, I'm sime upset cos youknowwho is cool and didn't reply me and thus our plan fell through! Dang! Ok bye yall.

Bend Your Arms To Look Like Wings

I actually forgot I kept a blog, pardon my tardiness in the posts. I was reading everyone else's and I saw a link to mine. And I just suddenly remembered. Am I dumb or what. Anyway anyway GP is over over! Er about a million more papers to go and about 17 days to go. Am I right? Ok all my pals end later than I do. So sad, but never mind I can take comfort in the fact that my polypals will be there to catch me when I fall (again, in the spirit of rhyming).

Nothing to say about GP, except that yeah I can't wait for math to be over, then I can really get down to studying HISTORY. Omg I cannot wait lah. Maybe this is how Romeo felt when he was waiting for Juliet to distract her nanny (Private joke). I love my sense of humour! Haha. "Yay-ness" and "Aww-ness". Jiawen and I studied at Spinelli's today. Conducive to the max yo.

Oh yes before I forget to gloat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holidays here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess which Santa Bunny is re-visiting Hong Kong (the cheap alternative to Japan (noone gives a flying fuck!)?????? IT IS NONE OTHER THAN YOURS TRULY. With the (quote unquote) "size 6 clean freak" sister. WOOHOO! Retail therapy and maybe hopefully weight loss trip since we'll be walking the whole time. And by that I will have to hope we wake up late enough to miss dimsum breakfasts - if not forget about the losing weight. WOOHOO EVERYONE CLAPS NOW! Q says that she wants to come along, so hopefully that works out sial!!!!! ARENT WE ALL EXCITED! Ngeowson is going to Bangkok last I heard. Yay at least we're all travelling. In the pipeline; Q's trip to Spain, next year to London. Ngeow to Jakarta or maybe Bali with me! Hopefully Balerie too! And Cheongster Chenster Gohster and Khooster maybe to Jakarta or my place?? Wahlao I talk as if we're jetsetters. Jetsetters on a budget la. EH HONGKONG HERE I COME. Shop Till You Drop the sequel starring the khoeswoyos (a spinoff of Ngeowson's the Vees) and maybe the LQQ.

There are too many things I want to do after the Living Hell. (Inspired by Jiamin's blog I will post what I want/need to do)
1) Resume art class yo!
2) Effectively do my uni applications
3) Catch up with my neglected/neglecter pals
4) NEWTON
5) Get a job?
6) Get a driving license legally in Indonesia
7) I don't have to state the obvious right? (Shopping)
8) Get a lover.

Well the A Levels suddenly diminished in importance.
I know it'd take a miracle.
And that's what I'm praying for.

Some Kind Of Wonderful

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

Yo friends and lovers and haters, all unite. I haven't been blogging much, a lot of it due to time constraints. Yeah anyway the past few days have been okay, so-so. Fun = eating, went to Cikgu's house with the much appreciated classmates yay. And I saw Mrs Winter, a semi surprise, according to her #01 Fan. Huh, who? I don't know la... Anyway. In the day I'd think "Ok I'm gg to blog about this" but now, I've forgotten what I wanted to say.

Anyway the "bio friend" tag ahahahaha so refreshing! Wenhsin I haven't talked to you for so long!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I'm quite positive you failed! And we were the only ones who failed ok! Tsk, my legacy lives on. I hate Mrs Goh la she secretly bitchy. What the hell happened to Lisa Joelle Eileen Xinyu Claire Sam Nabha Masada Huilin Serene (!!!!!!) Rudy!!!!!!! I MISS EVERYBODY and vegetarian stall.

Today was spent at Forum, I pretended that I belonged. I wish! And, after 7 solitary hours of Econs mcqs and random Math questions, I met the decadent and hedonist jiejie (everyone guess who!) and MonstaQ. Well I really need to lose a million kgs.. Eveyone needs to. Oh ya I forgot Study. STUDY STUDY STUDY SIAL. STUDY AND DONT EAT = DELL MARIE BUTLER = HOT CHICK.

Fuck lah I'm blogging Fluff.

Oh yeah who ever taught us that being well read is better than being ignorant?
That heartbreak is painful?
Nonsense, these man made "emotions".

P/s: Ok Charlesmana I burn the songs for you. I'll bomb your house if you say they aren't good. Remember I'm Indon in other words Third World-er. Right, ngeowsie?

Mrs. Dalloway

Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.

V.

Apres moi.. What?

What an unfortunate time to be online, if you ask me. But you don't ask me, so that's fine.

I have tuition later and Hweeying needs to be ressurected from slumber and Imelda has yet to reply my text! I wonder if CharLesmana is going later. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is so sad I want to weep weep weep. Burn baby burn.

It suddenly dawned on me also, that I should probably study for GP. So like read up random facts? Or practice compre? If I screw up GP I'm gonna go on a killing spree. OMGGGGG I'M SO BORED I COULD DIE.

Pretty Piece Of Flesh

Fucking peristalsis does not do it for me! For the uninitiated,

Peristalsis

Pronunciation: "per-&-'stol-s&s, -'stäl-, -'stal-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural peri·stal·ses /-"sEz/
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek peristaltikos peristaltic
: successive waves of involuntary contraction passing along the walls of a hollow muscular structure (as the esophagus or intestine) and forcing the contents onward

Wow Crescent didn't do a bad job "educating" me after all! I still remember my Bio stuff from like the early days. Ha ha ha. I remember, Jiawen (not really a friend yet at that time) in Sec 3 January or February, passed the questions and answers to the very first Bio test to my friend Wenhsin and I. And as fate would have it, the whole class passed and the both of us failed. And ill fate would continue both our careers in Biology from then on, up till Prelims. And okay lah I remembered us not faring to lousily in Prelims. Hmmm nostalgia nostalgia Earl Grey for the mind.

And so I digress.

I had wanted to rant about the lack of movements in my large intestines and consequently, the rectum. But let's not even go there.

The past few days have been a blur of like, mad rush of cramming Math and stuff. Can someone remind me what day it will be tomorrow? And I feel that I've neglected my friends la. The only one I'm seeing everyday is Hwee (not that I'm complaining la). Yeah but the chixwingz gangz? Ngeowsonz? QQ?? Ong (smart bitch who abandoned me not vice versa) & Cupcake. Which reminds me! I saw Kisha yesterday. Omg so exciting!! We talked and shrieked for an hour or so. Crescent Rulz 4Evahr!

Aiya I have no scandal but my friends reckon it's better that, than to get yourself er (sorry for the hackneyed vocabulary) hurt. Screw you half humans with quarter hearts who hurt my friends. I hate family fuckers. Not my family la, I mean people who fuck with family members. Ha ha ha private joke. Bye!

The EnLightened Take Things Lightly

when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
aiya palsie
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
i love u lah haahha
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
tts random
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
but just wanna remind u
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
HAHAHA
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
tt mylove is true

HOW ABOUT YAY?

Ok lah I like you also. I really have nothing to blog about! Oh my God I'm turning into one of those er, this is how my day unfolded blah blah blah who the fuck cares what I did what I ate (20 chicken wings in Newton woohoo) who came over to visit (my parents) who I spoke on the phone to (Cheongster) who I miss (friends in general: ONG CUPCAKE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU) what I miss (nasi kuning) what I'm looking forward to (holiday with Ngeowson) what I'm dreading (A Levels).

Okay so that's that, and let's move on with life.

LET ME MAKE YOU A MIXTAPE ALRIGHT? SO EVERYONE PRETENDS TO BE INTERESTED.

1) I'll Find A Way - Rachael Yamagata
2) Let's Get Out Of This Country - Camera Obscura
3) Belle - Jack Johnson
4) What Used To Be French - The Secret Machines
5) Seaside - The Kooks
6) Baby One More Time - Travis
7) Oh Mandy - The Spinto Band
8) How Am I Different - Aimee Mann
9) Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
10) Corcovado (Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars) - Astrud Gilberto
11) Looking Back On Today - The Ataris
12) Fire Department - Be Your Own Pet
13) Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles
14) Diamonds Are Forever - Chaka Khan
15) Circus Maximus - Hot Hot Heat
16) Hello - Hyde
17) Les Feuilles Mortes (Autumn Leaves) - Diana Krall
18) Sixteen Military Wives - The Decemberists
19) Deceptacon - Le Tigre
20) Une Annee Sans Lumiere - The Arcade Fire
21) You Made Me Forget My Dreams - Belle and Sebastian
22) Deep Waters - Incognito
23) Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down - Interpol ******* (I'm a narcissist.)
24) Here Comes A Special Boy - Freezepop
25) William Tell Override - Jets To Brazil
26) Glamorous Indie Rock 'n' Roll - The Killers
27) Driver's High - L`Arc~en~Ciel
28) I Think I Love You - Less Than Jake
29) Embers and Envelopes - Mae
30) Hey Baby, Don't You Know - Midtown
31) Making Out - No Doubt
32) New York Fairytale - No Use For A Name
33) Your Love Is King - Sade
34) She Paints Me Blue - Something Corporate
35) Rue The Day - The Walkmen
36) Song For The Dumped - Ben Folds Five
37) How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
38) Samson - Regina Spektor
39) Let's Get Out Of This Country - Camera Obscura
40) Project Mayhem - Finch

Okay so forty is not the most auspicious number to stop at, but I think I'm too tired to continue. I act cool la ok.

BYE PEACE OUT LUBS LOADS I WISH I HAD INFINITY MONEH TO SPEND.

To buy/get:
1) A pair of Chloe flats
2) A 3.1 Phillip Lim dress
3) Fendi dress (HAHA DREAM ON)
4) Chicken wings
5) Marie France Bodyline
6) Tickets to Paris
7) Everything material for my friends and sister and
8) Manchester United for brother
9) Everything for my mom and pops
10) Buy over Island fucking Creamery I've spent so much money there I need to acquire it
11) Indonesia out of debt

The last one is a bit of a joke, stupid prudes. Bye!

Whose Lie Is It Anyway?

I just watched this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxIJ9swGFUQ) and I don't know why I, along with 7000 other viewers thought it was very funny. Not funny meh?

I met Ngeowsie yesterday albeit not overnight (remember I won't spend another night alone). Yeah and today I went (surprise surprise!) Serene again. Do you think that someone can get diabetes from eating approx 2 scoops of ice cream daily? I think so. Oh no.

I don't really have anything to say actually except.. That I want to say that I have nothing to say.

I'm getting really annoying, OK I get it.

Ha ha I win, bitch.

L is for the way you Laugh at me

I'm really tired and exhausted. And I just realised the two words mean the same thing. Lethargic, sleep deprived etc etc. I'm waiting for Jan to come over and we can study productively I hope. And also I have been eating at least 2 scoops of ice cream daily. I hope today the cycle will break. I'm not going to Serene today. Woohoo congratulate me folks.

Have you guys seen Memento? It's THE film to see! I just saw it online, and I think I need to buy the DVD. It's really really good, tells of this guy who suffers from short term amnesia. He remembers everything up to and until the point of an accident that left him with this psychological "handicap". After which he couldn't remember much of anything at all. So he devised some sort of notes and Polaroids to remind him of people, places, occurences. And tattoos. Especially of the clues that lead him to the murderers of his wife.

Good right?

Very sad though, memories are really just interpretations. They're not a record and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.

So tonight I am (probably) meeting Ngeowsie to study overnight. Woohoo she'd better remember. I'm quite excited.

Lover you should have come over

Yeah so I will quit being irritating and emo today. How's it going pals family and lovers? It's been a long time since I wasn't self-absorbed. Today shall be a new beginning. Haha. Okay yeah seriously. How come I haven't heard from my friends for so long? And family? Huh why is everyone missing in action?

I had set out to meet QQ in mock pretense of "studying" today. Guess what happened lah. We didn't study at all. Walked around for ages before her slippers gave way. And she had to walk barefoot. Cool huh. And she just walked around like that for like two hours. Quite unforgettable wouldn't you say. EH! I still want that pair of shoes that I've loved for like a year. And they're on sale! Still on sale I mean. Yeah sorry I'm so unengaging lah I really don't know what to talk about.

I'm very excited to print my photographs tomorrow! Yeah and on the bright side I'm going to study with Hwee Jan and Javier tmr! Coolio I'll surely get work done cause Jan is Patron Saint of Diligence. Yahaha. I know Polaroid Corporation like went bankrupt and whatever a few years back. But I still want them to shower me with free film. It's an expensive interest la unless some sugah daddy wants to fund my project? My project is to cover my whole wall with it. Woohoo. Oh yes before I forget I actually have more pictures but I haven't printed them. Tomorrow tomorrow!!

Leningradskoye Optiko Mechanichesckoye Obyedinenie party was quite successful. Despite my inability to wind my oktomat properly at all.

Anyway I will miss:
1) Eating Chinese Wok food in the Canteen (with excuses).
2) Hweeying's pained expression when I decide to do #1.
3) Night study.
4) Buying the 1.5 L Ice Mountain.
5) Sleeping in SSYY's class (occassionally I do things like that).
6) SSYY saying "So...." and the boys going "Oh you miss your hometown (Seoul)".
7) Chun's "Aiya sian la".
8) Huiying's not-so-secret roleplay fantasy telling.
9) Jan's endless stories about LDH.
10) Quoting LDH.
11) Actually I'll miss you-know-who (the one I hate in class).
12) Speaking up for Indonesia when people slam me or Charles.
13) Being disgusted about Cheese. You guys know what cheese I'm talking about.
14) "Sine plus sine is two sine cos. Sine minus sine is..." - ThomAssHo.
15) Giving looks to Jared when you-know-who decides to open his/her mouth.
16) Xiao An's comments on people who cannot sing.
17) Xiao An telling me that I should be the nanny to his kids.
18) Picking up sketches of cars on the floor. (Really)
19) Jerm's childlikeness. (PLEASE LETS MAKE BOSSANOVA TOGETHER!)
20) Telling not-so-funny jokes to an audience. Remember my legendary Termite.
21) Looking out of the classroom and seeing Jiawen's tired face.
22) Taking the bus at 7:13 am to reach in time.
23) All of us speaking of how fat and unhappy we are.
24) GP lessons (the most enjoyable lessons I've ever had in my whole life).
25) Jasmine Tan (the most intelligent teacher I've ever had).
26) #25's sarcasm and intolerance of stupid and teenager-ish (read: 2T06) behaviour.
27) "SIGHHHH", Mr (Guess who).
28) Conversations and music reviews with Gomes.
29) Turning around to give the middle row people weird looks.
30) CIKGU YATI pls!
31) Bumping into Berly, and inadvertently the new Sandra Tan Wee-nah in the canteen.
32) Hockey-ers. I think they call themselves Hockers.
33) Ogling at the J1s and gossipping about them. "Eh XXXX had a pregnancy scare yknow!"
34) Knowing politics about people who are not related to me at all.
35) The grouchy (let's say a little androgynous) uncle at the drinks stall.
36) Playing Boggle everywhere. On the whiteboard on lecture notes in lecture halls.

There you go.

I'd Rather Be With You

No more grand stand, no more nothing. Friends forever, yes friends? Cheesy as hell but I love all of you like hell.

Thank you for the kind words. And the memories. I didn't think I'd be upset. I guess I was wrong.













There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard













No song that I could sing but I can try for your heart













Our dreams, and they are made out of real things













Like a, shoebox of photographs with sepiatone loving













Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart


















Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?













It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving


I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together


And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight


But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings and brings new things


















For tomorrow night you see that they'll be gone too

But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene

I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between with only two just me and you

Not so many things we got to do or places we got to be

I believe in memories; they look so, so pretty when I sleep

Hey now, and when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me

But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing

We're better together.

Emotional Anarchist

Okay this blog is like a good friend, that doesn't suffer from wear and tear of my excessive abuse and verbal diarrhea.

I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend, if it makes you feel alright
I'll get you anything, my friend, if it makes you feel alright
'Cause I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.

Peel Me A Grape

So Hwee and Grace came over to study slash tan. But in the end we got neither done. Well we attempted to do the latter, but the sun went away after like fifteen minutes. And then the study part, okay both of them did some productive work while I tried hard not to snooze off. Okay what's new?

I'm really sick of this space though I may decide to move soon. Although I've only used this url for like 2 months. Ok so that's how I am. Non-committal. In trivial things like these. And other things too.

Like studying. Oh my God, life works in wondrous ways (alliteration queen). I just saw a pop-up. Mail received from Brightsparks. Gah that stupid online services that will match your requests for scholarships and your achievements etc. This is stressful. Scholarship my pantat lah I can't even pass my Prelims properly.

So I saw Kisha in school today. She came for filming or something. How exciting. I can't wait for after-JC education. Is that even called that? All my friends have lofty aspirations. I wish I could be like them. Be more assertive. More ambitious. Whatever happened to AAB and A1 wish? Haha fat hope. Jared says "Either Law or International Relations". Hwee says "SMU or Australia". Then there are the occassional oscillations between SMU or NUS.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I'm incoherent. Sorry! If that isn't evident enough.

I'm planning to give Cikgu and Jasmine-I-only-won-the-linguistics-prize-Tan a card on Friday. I love them. They actually made my JC life bearable/memorable.

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

Just to cheer all the History students up. I got tired of studying Reagan's policies. So I searched for political cartoons and look what I found! Funny lah.

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche

Yo yo embryo? I really should be studying to prepare for tomorrow's math mock, but it just isn't coming to me. The determination I mean. As usual we went to Serene to study again but after a while got too tired and sleepy so decided to come home and sleep. Gah sian.

I cannot wait for Marie Antoinette! Lousy reviews but never you mind! I adore Kirsten Dunst. And I adore Sofia Coppola more. Who could forget the Virgin Suicides? Oh and Lost in Translation? Almost everyone I know hated Lost in Translation. I don't know. Anyway I just need to see Marie Antoinette please! Exams are real spoilers to coincide with the opening of the movie here.

Why is it chilly tonight? Besides the fact that my air conditioning is turned up to 17 Degrees Celcius. Well if it will increase my metabolism rate I don't mind at all. I must have eaten 50 chicken wings in the past week alone. And about 4/5 scoops of ice cream. I hate myself lah I wish I were anorexic. Bah. 6 kg please go away by magic. Or Faust? Please?

Why are we so materialistic? Are our lives so unbearable and mediocre that we have to have materialist aims to work towards? What is the point in aesthetics? Nothing I say will adequately elucidate why we are so transfixed on material. I keep contradicting myself - I love material things. Shower me with them!

I'm still torn (well, too extreme, but let's just say, undecided) between San Fran and LA for post-JC education. I don't really know what I want. I don't know. That day Josef Tan said, "You're going to do interior design? You're not going to learn anything". And I (kind of) totally agree. I replied, "Yeah I don't plan to". I'm a bitch. My conscience wouldn't let me waste my parents' moneh like that. I'd be better off going home and helping them in the office right? It's the lazy way out though. And they'll never agree. Besides it took them quite some time to accept the idea of me going somewhere else for University. So? I myself prophesise that I wouldn't be a good diligent conscientious student. I'm much too irrresponsible. Teamed with the fact that my cousins most probably won't be in Cali anymore. Of course I'm happy for them and hope that they enter NYU and all, buttttttttt. You know lah. Anyway if you do go to NYU please send my regards to Mary-Kate and Ashley ok Felix and Feb?

So this Friday. Graduation. How am I supposed to feel about it?

Lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken

Haha so today wasn't that productive in the Academic Department. All's good anyway. Just the haze and all. And my weight. Yes weight issues. Cheongster consoled me last night by saying that everyone has weight issues. I am glad that others are suffering with me.

Uhh sorry that my posts have been not so substantial, not like anyone really reads this space (ok come on friends here you come in to say that you read this narcissist shrine religiously). EH! Shrine....... Temple........... Geddit geddit?!

Bob Marley (apparently) once said "When you smoke the herb, you reveal you to yourself".

Lunar Sea

At first you're curious. It entices you, and you are quickly drawn into this quicksand.

You know, that feeling of security is just temporary. Be warned. For feeling that you have warranted your own death.

A swift, precise stab of that knife is implanted in your heart. It's a clean cut. So swift and precise, in fact, you don't feel a thing. You just live with it.

A few weeks, months, or years later, you continue throwing cautions to the wind. You live the best time of your life. You give your soul away. You begin to make modest little plans, dream modest little dreams.

Except that someone twists the knife and pulls it out nonchalantly.

And then, you lose your breath.

And you start to fall.

You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed

Today, there were three. Who ponned I mean. And it happened so that Hwee Jan and I ponned on the same day. Hmmm the amount of rolling Ms Smith's eyes must do tomorrow. Poor eyes. I studied today though. At Serene the ever so cool environment to study. Well I can't really decide if the greasy smell of the place, the shrieky St Margs girls, or the constant looking up to check out who's there is causing me to be not as productive as I should be. Bah.

I went to the doctor too! My life is over! I gained 2 kgs again! 5x.x kg now! Hweeying too! Omg! Doc says I won't die from long term dosage of Kestine! Woopee! I might die from haze though! Cos I have asthma! (Just in the spirit of peppering every sentence with an exclamation mark).

Asthma, which means that I will die soon - the haze. To think that I always stand up for that wretched Third World country. Now it's killing me! Fucking Sumatra dwellers better get your acts together stop burning forests. Poor forests poor bears poor tigers poor birds poor acacia plants poor sandalwood plant. Go to hell insects. Poor us asthmatic assholes.

Doctor: Have you been feeling breathless recently?
Me: Huh no. Why?
Doctor: You mean to say noone has complained about your wheezing pretending to be breathing?
Me: Er no, but thanks.
Doctor: Ok I will have to pry open your oesophagus.
Me: Huh!
Doctor: Sorry sorry I meant airway.

But my all time favourite (well not really cos I just heard it last Saturday) Doctor Patient story is from Berly, who had to fill up her many cavities. So while the dentist filled up her cavities..

Berly: OUCH OW OW (X 10)
Dentist: So how old are you this year?
Berly: Eighteen..
Dentist: Ok then can you act like it?

I like.

You call yesterday the past?

"The painter considered for a few moments. 'He likes me,' he answered, after a pause; 'I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer day' "
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Oscar Wilde
The Penguin Classics collection.

Anyway WOOHOO I'm still sick. I know, I know, I should quit whining right? OK fine, Ho. Haha. I met Mr HOSEF (omg omg) today. Yea bitches. Well he told us what we should do in the future - in my case, nothing, since I'm not particularly interested in storing new things in my overused/underused (whichever you deem fit) brain. My brain cells getting lonely yknoww, need more friends.

All my friends seem bit upset about their grades :( okay same here. (HAHA except for someone who texted me his GP grade straight away - rolls eyes but congrats ok. Impressive la not being sarcastic) Anyway just wish you guys all the best for the real thang cos that's what really matters yes? All this motivational shit. Ok lah don't read my blog anymore lah.

Yikes shit what else was I going to say ah?

Oh Ong's friend says she saw me at the Econs place and I looked guniang HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Those who go beneath the surface do so at their own peril. Okay?

Sick Sial

Ok my temperature is approx 39.4 degrees Celsius. I'm about to die.

I watched Little Miss Sunshine. I loved it! Haha after which Ong and I walked from town to Clarke Quay where we got a little intoxicated just by the smell of alcohol from the pubs. Yucks lah gross, the angmohs' livers will die for sure. Soon. Ok and after that she was nice jiejie sent me home. I owe you my life. And I heart Samantha's Doraemon bag! She had like medicated oil and all. Wow! I'd marry someone like that (Cupcake I know you're reading this - don't kill me).

Anyway ok I have a confession to make. The whole evening I've just been thinking of this..

You got my temperature rising like El Niño!

Ok like you can kill me now. I know Kal loves this song (Sekretly).

Fear not your friends, for they can only betray you

Hello I'm sick. Bleah it started with some really mean sore throat. Afterwhich during night study I had a semi hypothermia. Fucking cold library, I kid you not. So anyway. Haha I had not meant to post another I Hate My Friends entry etc etc, butttttt. This is a must.

There's an injustice that has been happening. Not to me. But to another dear friend. I don't know why I'm so incensed. Not really furious, just that I am so suspicious now that I know what's been happening. Yucks lah I hate this. I shall not elaborate. Well I hope this suffices to make you feel guilty or something. We'll see.

On another note, Thank God It's Saturday!!

I'm watching Little Miss Sunshine with Cup Tha Ong later. Great day ahead despite the Flu.

Oh Ngeow if you read this, Q says that she doesn't want to go to Bali end year! Monsoon season, cannot surf (I just realised also). She wants to go Japan or Hong Kong. But it's going cost a hell lot of money. What do you say? Just Jakarta?

Copacabana

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?

Anyway I had a sore throat so I skipped school. Yes very bad excuse for skipping school. But I did anyway, bite me. Yahaha. Ok but I'm still going for night study with Jan and some others I think?

MY THROAT HURTS AND I HATE HONEY. What other remedies are available for a frail fucker like me? Damn tired of school already sial. I can't wait for As to be over! As much as I wish the exams weren't so near. O well.

I was looking at insight website and I got excited thinking about the possible Bali trip with ngeowson again in December! Palsie go look at the website I think you'll die. !!! Q and VAL wanna come to Bali too??? JIAWEN WE BETTER GO I TELL YOU. AHHH EXCITED.

And Kalisthesaurus Cheongster and co want to go to my place in Indo. It's just a fucking far away place I don't know why they bother.

But I velcum them with open arms. All my friends have been to Indon since I came here. Indon Tourism Board (there isn't one, but let's just assume there were one) should appoint me as their spokesgirl. Yes?

OK bye I'm going to school now! KISSY BYES

Bullet Proof Soul

Ok so my earlier post was deleted.. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Zen.

Ohm.

FUCK!

Anyway ok I went for the first Econs tuition (which the rest of Singapore, JB and some say Batam attend too). "What is new with the world" quote unquote Berly. Yeah la yeah la I sell out lah ok I go for econs tuition lah ok. Tsk. Anyway I went with Imelda Charles and Hwing - Great company ha ha ha. I enjoyed the mock "IQ" questions, especially when Charles prodded Hwing to ask for clues for three hours. Haiyah Indon power sial.

I like Charles' sense of humour (Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery):

ME : Eh dont you guys think that **** looks better now?
Charles: Huh why?
ME: She gained some weight! She doesn't look so sickly anymore.
Charles: Of course la! She eat so much prata and nasi briyani lately.

HAHAHAHAHA I think it's funny. Shit I hope noone reads this.

Ok anyway there are so many movies I want to see. Little Miss Sunshine with Cup Tha Ong and hopefully SJ over the weekend. And some Indon tearjerker shit that did not really earn rave reviews with Kalista and gang next week. Then there's some movie with Scarlett (Johansson - my best friend). And Indon food galore this weekend too. Looking forward to it very mucho. Gracias hunnybuns.

raison d'être

Jiawen's raison d'etre; and mine too :




















Natalia Vodianova
Sorry I couldn't find a better picture. She's gorgey anyway.




















Gemma Ward Ok everyone knows who she is.




















Oksana Tkachuk.
Some Russian model.



















Scarlett Johansson. Yay.




















Kate Moss duh?




















Liya Kebede Omg. (No, her surname hasn't got Omg in it)




















Ashley Olsen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and the last one. Obligatory friendship favour (winkwink):



OK something else happened. I will post the pic up tmr. YAY

I Was A Kaleidoscope

MATH DONE SIAL. SO IS HAROLD AND KUMAR. AND L'AUBERGE ESPAGNOLE. NO IDEA WHY I'M TYPING IN CAPS. YEAH OKAY.

I'm not saying it was your fault, although you could've done more. Oh you're so naive, yet so. How could this be done. You're such a smiling sweetheart. Oh and your sweet and pretty face. In such an ugly way, something so beautiful.

I don't know whether this kind of replay-certain-songs-a-zillion-times kind of behaviour is harmful or not. I learnt this habit from Q. She replays her songs a million times, day in day out. Then I started to, too. I listened to several songs hundreds of times. As of late it's been Naive. Previously Across the Universe. Before that Fidelity. There was a time, Hey There Delilah. And even before that, slot in Marching Bands of Manhattan, Hide and Seek, Criminal and By Your Side.

On and on, and on and on.

Until I get so sick and tired of them, I'd feel like I wanted to puke if I ever heard them again. Somewhere, at the pit of my stomach or my medulla oblongata, I feel sick. Ugh I hate that feeling afterwards.

Semi-reflective of my attitudes towards people. Spending every second together is not the way to preserving a friendship. Or anything. But of course, I don't want to come across as someone who views her friends as being disposable. You know? How come I'm talking as if someone actually reads this trash?

I don't need to explain myself lah, makes it seem that I've done something wrong. (Which I have NOT) haha. BUT OF COURSE I HAVE SOFT SPOTS FOR SOME PEOPLE. Wink wink you all know who you are.

A rather unhealthy habit, wouldn't you say.

Bad Haircut #82

Hello I'm suffering from bad haircut again. If you can refer to it like a malady, like that, then, yes. Suffering. I think all hairstylists hate me or something. Hwee's looks fine! And Jan's too. Okay I feel really sorry for my friends family and lovers who have to listen to me whine about my hair for the next gazillion days. Ha ha Hweeying (bitch) says I look like Ms Yoong. For those who are fortunately unaware of her existence and appearance, let me describe her as a Math lecturer who resembles Edna Mode. Geddit?

















Ok what more can I say? Reminds me of a certain song that I always sing to a certain friend. Ha ha ha.

Today shall be the day I:
1) Redo the unfortunate Math Prelims Paper 1 before Mr Lee goes through it tomorrow.
2) Call Qiqi after godknowshowlong.
3) Read all the gossip blogs in the world.
4) Watch L'auberge Espagnole and (insert eye rolls) Harold & Kumar goes to White Castle.
5) Make peace with everyone/Try to make peace with everyone.
6) Make peace with myself.

Anyway so doing all of the above is gonna take me some time. Which means that I have to go now.

Oh before that! I just wanted to announce to the whole wide world that I did shit-ly for my Prelims! Again! Fuckerzzzz. BYE FOR REAL.

A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better

Hello folks I'm damn sleepy. Anyway I just wanted to tell all my friends that I heart you all ha ha ha Whee Rah Rah. Especially those who are so ready to help when the shit hits the fan. Ok?

Thank you for being friends!

LLLLLOVE XOXO
Stellaritis

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer

I have just spoken to a friend. Sadly it was not a very pleasant conversation. She was upset. She was crying. I wanted to, too.

Anyway it's been a long time since I spoke to Qiqi. Wonder how she's doing? And Valerie too. And Jiawen. And Berly. And others. Seems that we need er more than 24 hours in a day. Good luck to Val whose promos are ongoing (?). Right? And to all J2 students who are suffering heart palpitations and sweaty palms waiting for your results. I reckon we'll receive them tomorrow. Ew.

Anyway what had I meant to say here again? I keep losing my trail(s) of thought. Ok I'm boring. The title of the post. Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. It means that if God doesn't exist, we will have to invent Him. Something that palsie said before. It really struck a chord with me. How about you?

Oh and the previous question I asked, if you could trade your soul for anything in the world, what would it be? I kept asking myself the same thing in the past 2 days. I still haven't got an answer. Is it time to panic? Because it means that I really don't know what I want with my life. Who believes in a soul anyway. There aren't moral or immoral people. There are only smart or stupid people.

All thinking men are atheists?
Is that true?? Ew I hate this shit. Sorry if I've offended some people.

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing

I just JUST JUST finished reading Anna Karenina that I borrowed from QQ (actually XX's) a few months back. Ok ok judge me judge me for reading so slowly. It had taken me eighteen years to read the book, described by some Russian dude (Dostoevsky) as "flawless as a work of art". Jasmine Tan probably read it when she was what, 4? It is good, just that Russian names escape me. After a few chapters I got really tired of turning back to the characters page, and I had to write down their names and who they are so I could refer to them. Loser lah ok.

So anyway the book is semi-complicated. Prescribes some kind of complex societal expectations. Aren't you glad you're not preggers or married by eighteen like Anna did. And I find it so weird that Tolstoy titled the book Anna Karenina after Anna's husband (Karenin) although in the story she didn't really love the husband and tried to run off with some other guy (also Russian - ok ok I will lay off the Russian thing) - Why not use her maiden name? Since she was so uncommitted to her (Russian) husband anyway. Yeah so in the end she killed herself by walking into a train's path. Cool or what! Wahlao damn morbid lahh.

Yeah and speaking of reading. I read in this book, that shopowners (designer wear) generally charge 2.9x the price that the designers themselves sell to them. WAH what kind off ripoff. That's in the UK. So if Chloe charges lets say 300 pound sterlings to Neiman Marcus, the shop will sell to the mass market at approx 870 quids! Wahlao. In the US it is even worse, the average ripoff ratio is 1:3.1. Let's assume a Viktor and Rolf blouse costs Viktor and Rolf US$60 to make, they will sell it at US$100 to Barney's. Barney's in turn will sell it for US$310 to people like Sienna Miller. Haw haw what a funny world. Or, maybe not.

I swear I want to make it big for this reason. While the poor gets poorer, the rich can only get richer. Yknow what I mean. I guess I don't mind being Sienna or Kate or Daria or Gemma. Ha ha ha don't mind. More like pray every night that I will be like them (did you notice I affectionately referred to them with their first names? I texted Nicole happy birthday last week) Guffaw. Yeah yeah see! Things can only get better. After you get videoed snorting coke you get deals from goddamn Burberry Prorsum. And apparently she gets 26 handbags every month on average! DID I MENTION THAT ALWAYS NAKED SKINNY BITCH (KATE) GETS THEM FOR FREE. So there you go.

When I like people immensely, I never tell their names to anyone. It is like surrendering a part of them. So says Oscar Wilde. And so says Stella.

The only way to rid of temptation is to yield it

I just woke up because I slept at 8 pm and I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't sleep for more than 8 hours a stretch now. Dumbass. Anyway so noone's online and I'm bored. I shall maybe watch Will & Grace soon. Haha stupid homo show.

Oh speaking of a man loving another man, I was re-reading the picture of Dorian Gray. Dug it out to lend Ong. I think that the book is so.. reflective of the new-age hedonism and debauchery. It tells of Dorian Gray, this guy who fell in love with his own portrait painted by his artist friend. Talk about being inspired by Narcissus, huh. Not to say that it's a bad thing, of course.

So anyway Dorian proposed to this theatre actress, as she performed Shakespeare really well on stage. But Sybil (the actress) became so consumed by her new love that she became distracted and no longer professional on stage. Dorian then rejected her, saying that her beauty lies in her art. When he got home, he saw that the portrait of him had become much uglier - "there is a touch of cruelty in the mouth". After which he tried to reconcile with Sybil, only to be told that Sybil had killed herself with cyanide.

Dorian then indulged in acts forbidden to Man for the next 18 years. Blah blah blah, in the end he looked at the monstrosity that was himself (in the portrait) and stabbed a knife into his heart.

Predictable right?

But it's cool. Being self-indulgent I mean. And engaging in all the debauchery and all. Haha. So damn Faustian. If you could trade your soul for anything what would it be?

Consequence of Sounds

1) So I still have no photographs to post. The last few days were a blast (not from the past - totally the present) ha ha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIMENHAO! I hope you enjoyed yourself yesterday ;) Anyway yesterday great company! Great fun. There'll be a next!!

2) Ngeowson I miss you next time you read this you must call me alright. Sorry for screwing up our plans. And all.

3) All my friends damn emo lah I'm so upset. Since noone can make it tomorrow and Aunt screwed up our plans I think I will join the SC gang to Pulau Ubin to cycle (WTFBBQOMGFLS). Haha besides the fact that I cannot cycle.. Tandem bikes. I hope they wake up in time after clubbing. Tsk highly doubtful.

4) Eh assholes who are planning to annoy my friends and er hurt them watch out I will snip off your KKJ. WATCH OUT sial.

trompe l'oeil

I want to trick your eyes.

Sorry one-liner posts. I'm tired.

ain't no lobotomy is gonna fix this one

Skanks of the world unite

How do you spell d-i-s-a-p-p-o-i-n-m-e-n-t again?

Anyway I studied at Serene today my ass hurts like hell cos I was sitting for like 10 hours. And the usage of "10 hours" is not hyperbolic. Yeah so math tomorrow. Damn sick of it all lah. It doesn't even feel like Prelims are still on. Luckily I went to Serene today, I got help from all the smart people in the world (Grace and Hweeying) thanks alot. If I pass tomorrow's paper I will.. Buy you something nice.

Eh I'm damn pissed off with you lah just fuck off thanks you. Sorry I already promised myself not to bitch about anyone on this space cos it's just so juvenile. But if this is what it takes to vent my anger so be it lah. Not yet, not yet. Aiyah fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you.

Ooh on the bright side, Steph's birthday is like, next thursday. Exciting sial. I hope we have fun. Of course we will lah noone judges. Yay. I've been trying to update all the pics sial but er my scanner is a bit crazy also. Never mind I will get one of the trusty pals to do it.

Before I go off, fuck off.
(Just in the name of rhyming)

Lastly yeah la I should have given you a reason to stay. No use "on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home". No use. No use.

To hail Merdeka! for a united Malaya - as adapted from ongky

I'm going to paste Ong's entry on her take of the failure of the merger between Singapore and Malaya. I know, Paper 2 History is over. Today in fact, phew. Never mind, the history kiddos will relate.

Ok so here goes.

"Every time we look back on this moment we signed this agreement which severed Singapore from Malaysia, it would be a moment of anguish."

First time I am quoting Lee Kuan Yew man. I swear studying SEA history paper invokes patriotism within me. I wish we never left Malaysia too. His aguished pain lives on in the fact that I could have been a fisherman like those in Perlis or Perak. Assuming that the Tunk would never allow Singapore to be the "New York of Malaysia". HAW HAW. LEE KUAN YEW'S CULT STATUS IS FIRMLY ENTRENCHED WITHIN US. It is scary how i could remember all the quotes that he says and how he would pick communism over colonialism. I personally think that Singapore's history has reached a plateau in this day and age. There seems to be nothing to fight for. We moved beyond independence. Now, we are just a cold, clinical state who needs a "4 million smiles" campaign to get Singaporeans to smile to a bunch of delegates! As much as the 1960s was harsh with racial violence, it had this vibrancy to it, whereby we all stood for something together-communists, nationalists and immigrants alike, within a plural society. Still, maybe our perception of life and things that mattered to us would change. And the type of lifestyle we can lead would actually allow it. Money is not the top priority because mabye we can survive on just subsistence alone. Wouldn't that be nice? Saying goodbye to all forms of polticking. It is quite a brain tease, knowing that a bunch of men in this world have the capabillity to change our society so much. At the cross roads of 1965, we could have been an independent communist state, remain merged with Malaya, still under the British(making us Hong kong no. 2) or an independent Singapore. WHOA.

I can picture diary entries in today's day and age if we were still part of Malaysia.
ahem.

Dear diary,(everything should be written in malay. but i can't write malay at the moment so let's pretend it is in malay!)
auku mana?(okay. i don't know what does that mean. but nevermind!) Today was an enjoyable day. I helped my ibu(mother) to sew a traditional costume. My father is still trapped in the tin smelting areas. He is a hardworking man and provides for us all. My ah bang(i think this means brother) has decided to be a rubber tapper. He is so strong and brave punyaorang(person). I am about to get married soon to my new husband, raji ahmad tan. We will be moving to his kampong in Negri Sembilan. It will be a nice home to raise our children who can grow up to not be communists but learn to have Lim Chin Siong's chracter. He is very handsome. The chinese middle schools are still rioting. Nevermind them. I shall send my child there to study. They can teach him to be a good man-for nation,sultan and family. Merdeka has brought many good years to come. Thank you Mr Lee.

Compare it to an entry of today's day and age with merger.

Dear diary
Wah lau. I am just pissed off with school. Prelims sucks. I feel nothing but angst. Shoot the world. I hate everything! Singapore sucks. I wish I live in America like the OC kids. I am emo. I hate it...
.
,
.
this goes on for quite a bit then it ends with a whole string of vulgarities and the phrase "Screw you lee kuan yew and nepotism"

TAH DAH! Compare and contrast the 2 sources and discuss to what extent has merger benefitted the youths in Singapore. That should give you a nice essay. grin. SEA history is amazing. This is what it can do to you even after you have finished the paper. Take that Reagan and Gorby!

DISCLAIMER: this entry is jsut a refelction of the author's silly stereotypes of people. Suits for libel and defamation are not allowed in this context. sorry mr lee!) shit. i am bloody scared he'll sue the pants off me.


HAHAHA Ong how could I not love you.
Cheers!

youre not the only one dying

So I heard some disheartening news, leaves me quite disgruntled. Hmmm what can I say about it? Nothing it seems. Feel sorry for both perpetrator and victim. Hohum pig's bum. I apologise for being so vague - for the sake of being politically correct (slightly) and muchly (is there such a word) annoying to people who think that they've done something wrong. I love playing with your fucked conscience people.

Bye! I hope you ponder over your actions.

TO FELIX AND FEBBY

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way

-------------------------------------------------

So my non-committal hiatus is really non-committal huh. And so are some of the people I know. Ok lah random. Just super bored. Math P1 and History SEA tomorrow. Oh there's cyanide in the bathroom.

As much as I'd miss my friends every single one of them here when I move out from Singapore, I don't know. I just want to get away from this shithole. Singapore is a shithole. Really. I don't know. Even my Third World Indon Makassar environment provides a better environment and probably a more conducive place to.. Exist. I won't even say Live. None of us have lived at all. I've just been thinking about going back and doing stuff with my family and myself for the past few months. I don't know if it's because I miss them. I don't think so. I saw them recently. I just want to.. Go back and do things.

Attention all Indons: Go back and do what you're supposed to do. Haha the postmodern nationalism in SEA. Maybe poor kids in the 22nd century will learn about SEAn nationalism in the early 21st century as we are learning now about nationalism in early 20th century.

So that is why I want to see Felix and Febby so much I think.
For the first time in eight years- I am feeling homesick.

Exams Kill

Yoohoo so I decided to pop by (wrong expression) but yeah just before I go on a noncommittal, long leave until after the Prelims.

Eh tomorrow there's econs, while Cheongster Khooster (haha) Chenster and Gohster are going out for dinner. Tsk do you see the irony here. While at that, er, I won't be able to go for art again this week. There's history paper 2 and math (ah fuck lah) on friday. I just hope the un-stellar (hardiharhar) performance of the Mids don't come back and loom over my Prelims this time round sial.

Ooh how I hate school!
Like, out.
Er now.

P/s: Why do farts smell so bad.
Answer: So that the deaf can enjoy them too.
(Insert eye-rolls and disgusted looks)

i hate the middle east

the devil temptation says:
i finished intl econ.
the devil temptation says:
i rread my globalisation packages minus ME.
Jezebel and Prelims says:
somewhere like fucking productive ie: delifrance or bk or somethin
Jezebel and Prelims says:
g
Jezebel and Prelims says:
ME TOO
Jezebel and Prelims says:
FUCK ME
Jezebel and Prelims says:
FUCK MIDDLE EAST I MEAN
Jezebel and Prelims says:
not ME

bye friends i love yall yknow that right?

Loose Ends dammit.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

NO CHEATING!

How are you feeling today?
Annunciate While You Masticate - A Static Lullaby (hahaha)

Will you get far in life?
I Want to Save You - Something Corporate

How do your friends see you?
Japan is An Island - The Spinto Band (YAY)

Will you get married?
Longview - Green Day

What is your best friend's theme song?
Breakdown - Mae

What is the story of your life?
Island in the Sun - Weezer

What was high school like?
Perfectly Happy - The Ataris

How can you get ahead in life?
Purify Me - India Arie

What is the best thing about your friends?
Age Six Racer - Dashboard Confessional

What is in store for this weekend?
Reptillia - The Strokes (oh ew?)

What song describes you?
If You Don't, Don't - Jimmy Eat World

To describe your grandparents?
Misplaced Memories - MXPX (OH MY GOD!)

How is your life going?
So Nice (Summer Samba) - Bebel Gilberto (OH MY GOOD GOD I LOVE THIS THING HAHA)

What song will they play at your funeral?
Take Me Back - The Ataris (I SWEAR THIS IS DIVINE INTERVENTION AT WORK)

How does the world see you?
Sie Liebt Dich - The Beatles

Will you have a happy life?
At Last - Diana Krall and Lou Rawls

What do your friends really think of you?
Detective - No Doubt (SEE I TOLD YOU!)

Do people secretly lust after you?
Bubble Pop Electric - Gwen Stefani (SO DO THEY OR DO THEY NOT! HAHAHA)

How can I make myself happy?
Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap

What should you do with your life?
Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2

Will you ever have children?
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

If freaky had another name it'd be online quizzes. I know I sound like a total lameass asshole with the songs up there but I swear it's true. Cross my heart and hope to die.

FUCKING HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

HAS IT COME TO THIS??

I miss you Nihaad Miss Crescentian 2004 my best friend my bitch buddy my canoeing partner my always-quarrel-with-me buddy my i'm-going-to-be-honest friend.

1970 was a beautiful year

Just because Lennon wrote Across the Universe that year. It must be the beautifullest (haha) song ever written in the whole history of music-dom. I am so SO dead for prelims. I haven't finished! I will never stop complaining. But I don't know what it is that's making me so unstudently lately. Is it complacency? Or is it signs of me giving up already?

More likely it's the first, I haven't got any academic achievements lately to be proud of. 15% for Math in the Mid Yrs shouldn't make me complacent right? Or is it the 50% I got in the mock exams. No way. So why? Well as Ngeow points out. I also feel like a machine just trying to suck information from piles and piles of notes. Who cares if the superpowers were in the friggin driving seats in Korea or Vietnam but not in Middle East. Who cares if Johnson received a blank cheque from the Congress to pursue his Americanisation in Vietnam. Who cares if the Cambridge Cash Balance Equation is really not a theory but a truism? Who cares about Keynes' stupid fiscal policies and his bloody feud with the monetarists. Who cares who the eff McLaurin that faggot was. And who cares if you knew how to integrate by parts??

Just so you know.

Anyhoo so under the weather I have been (and my friends) we went out till LATE again yesterday. It makes me feel super alive, laughing with them somewhere making fun of a certain someone among us watching her blush and discussing how hideous those metallic Vuittons are. And singing A1 songs (I so wasn't singing I swear) and Westlife ha ha ha. See, that's what you call Life. Talking about migrating to Thailand.. All those tripe. Ha ha ha.

Wahlao I hate school lah what is this.

Jai Guru Deva Om.

An ode to birthday pal

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WALLACE! I hope all, and I mean ALL goes well for you (insert wink wink and irritating looks).

Prelims begin Monday and I haven't finished my history crap yet. Oh no. How now brown cow. I just read Cal's blog and I sympathise. You know what I mean. Cheer up Calista. Cheers to backstabbers.

Oh listening to old songs by Blink now haha I'm reminded of the old days. We'd all feel so kewlz listening to blink right. Guilty as charged. Who cares.

Yeah, my girlfriend takes me home when I'm too drunk to drive/And she doesn't get all jealous when I hang out with the guys/She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one does/She brings me mexican food from Sombrero's just because (Yeah, just because)/And my girlfriend likes U.L. and D.H.C./And she's so smart and independent, I don't think she needs me/Quite half as much as I know I need her/I wonder why there's not another guy that she'd prefer/And when I feel like giving up/Like my world is falling down/I show up at 3am/She's still up watching Vacation, and I/See her pretty face/It takes me away to a better place and..

I know that everything,
Everything's gonna be fine

Aww Josie. Used to be our favourite singalong song.
Remember?

I woke up in NYC (I wish)

Hello all I'm a sucker for popularity. I also befriend people who can, how you say, elevate my social standing. Oh while I'm at that, I am also.. Let's put it like this; Severely Queer. Yes? Yes lah if you think so.

So only a select few would comprehend what I mean above haha.

Oh Im not about to go all emo on you now. I met Ngeowson just now in school! After what seemed like forever. :) I hope all goes well for you Ngeowy. Prioritise dude. Eh I lost my train of thought. Be back later. By the way I love the Olsens I wish I were emaciated like them.

You met me at a very strange time in my life

Haiyah. I miss my crescent friends each and every one of them. The feelings were evoked when the rest were condemning us Crescentians (Jared prefers to call us Crustaceans that basketcase), saying that we're bitchy and all that. Haha.

Yoohoo to friends I don't meet anymore. As often, anyway.
Siti, Nihaad, Dani, Min, Kisha, Serene, Bana, Sarah, Jiamin, Joanne.

Anyway I'll end off with











Cal where are you!

You are my sweetest downfall,
I loved you first.
-Regina Spektor.

--

IM SORRY I GOTTA POST 4 TIMES THIS EVENING

BUT IM ECSTATIC HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I LOVE MY FRIENDS I SWEAR.

HOOKUPS FOREVER

Shall I call this untitled?

I know that I just said memories can be altered and all.
But.
In my head you're so awesome.
Flawless.

Everything before the word 'but' is irrelevant.

Us; On the Verge

Of something that's potentially omnipresent.

Tried REALLY hard to study with Ngeowy today. Haha. Not too bad, but I'm gonna try doing it with my other homies tomorrow. ;) Hwee and Jan it seems. Jiawen and I walked around most of the time and got stoned in Kino for an hour or so discussing random stuff. Which was really.. Unproductive. At 7ish Jean came and we went to eat! Dinner. And Sally came not long after. They aren't very close friends of mine, but they make me feel really at ease. What an irony right, some "close" friends of mine make me uneasy all the time. But that's another topic for another time another post another mood altogether.

Tomorrow I will be jogging with Hwing. But she will accommodate. Right? I have been like incapacitated for close to a year due to my er, skin condition. Haha my stamina is really not the best thing in the world at the moment. YAY but the thought of losing 0.3/0.4 kg after the run is enough to make me crave sweating on the (in)famous rectangular track of CJC.

Oh I forgot to mention. I just cut my birthday cake that my cousin and brother got me. Two days late. I feel terrible. They rushed buying the cake for me yet I completely forgot about it and I didn't spend my birthday with my family at all. I don't appreciate what they've done for me. So evil right? I don't want to be those people who take their families for granted and only care about their friends. Cause in the end you'll figure out that your family members will be the ones who care for you.

The history books forgot about us, and the Bible didn't mention us.
Not even once.

Modern Girls and Old Fashioned Men

L'Enfants

I want to watch this lah. Sounds good. Plus it won the best picture award at Cannes.

Last night I went to Holland V to celebrate Sally's birthday.. I hope that you enjoyed yourself Sally! (I find it quite odd that everyone calls her Sally although her real name is Michelle) Haha good food good drinks and obviously good company. It was good good good in general. Plus, thanks Sally for the Sketch book. I still can't draw. You better draw something for me after As. Something big! Haha now you regret inviting me for your birthday celebration.

Yeah so happy birthday Tammy! There's a less than 3% chance of you reading this, so never you mind, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) How come my entries are so brainless nowadays? I haven't been reading anything substantial that provokes thought lately, so pardon.

Studywise, no progress. Lots of backtracking.

PLEASE SOMEONE VOLUNTEER TO TEACH ME STATS I MIGHT JUST DIE FROM DESPERATION BYE.

Memento

Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.

We just had a near-life experience

Party! Well party was fun last night. All showed up! I was a very happy person. And i realised the only thing i ate last night was salads. I didnt even eat a single chicken wing that I marinated etc etc (Dont you ever wonder who came up with the word marinade? Some housewife .. Mary Nad At Home or something) Alot of food went to waste it was sad. Well okay so yeah.

I just want to thank the people who like turned up. For presence and presents. (Ha ha I hate my puns) Without whom, yeah you know the sappy stuff I won't even begin.
Thank you:
Qiqi and Valerie for polaroid (don't hate me)
Jiawen for the surprise (I love it promise),
hockers+burning celluloid for the prints,
Ong and Sarajean for the horse, and momento from the olden and/or golden crescent era
Cupcake and Tha for the ahem, baby shirt and jewelry
Jan for the thinspiration (ha ha ha)
Steph Nat Cal for the shirt (tsk phallic ah!)
Adel for the granny bag!!!
Syahidah for the Joke book, the rest will hate you forever now cos I'll force-tell them the jokes.
Oh! And not forgetting Hui Ying the sweetest classmate EVERR who came with a BIG bottle of absolut mandarin. My favourite flavour ok. Thanks!
AND THE REST FOR THE PRESENCE.
Hweeying and Mr President, Tabi (who was pretty much dormant the whole evening tsk), Berly
the Hockey guys YAY I'm happy.

After which don't know which idiot started to play soccer downstairs. And it went on for like quite some time until someone complained haha. The security guard was one anal asshole. So we had to retreat...... And waited for Wallace's dad to pick the whole bunch up to go home. After which Steph Cal Adel and Nat went up to my place and we had a mini-post-party speaking of declarations of undying idealism and fervour. :) I hope that all of us will.. Finally get what we (really) want. For everyone lah okay? I hope that you will all receive what you wish for. Careful what you wish for though.

If I could post pictures of last night, I would. But I don't have pictures save from some polaroids which .. I will upload the next time I come back hopefully.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY! HOPE TO SEE YOU TONIGHT.
<3

Sputnik Sweetheart

Painting was so unproductive today lah, kept getting distracted by Q and Val. Our jokes are so so bad and we ended up annoying the entire class with our guffaws. What's new pussycat?

Oh! I am so.. Like incoherent. Chronologically I should begin to describe how terrible my day started. It was bright in the morning so I went out (with my great yellow sweater) then as I was walking out the rain started to pour like CRAP and my shoes and skirt got wet and soggy and all and and and it was a very discomfiting affair for me. So that was ominous sign part I before my General Paper exam. When I got to school, I went to the toilet to dry myself and the Auntie was scrubbing the floor. Ominous sign part II. So those events were just a prelude to what was to befall the entire cohort of JC2 students, the freaking GP paper. Yeah ok so I won't go on about it since everyone thought it was shit. When Jasmine Tan collected our scripts she sniggered and went "There'll be a bloodbath". How's that for an encouraging GP tutor for you?

After which I went to watch Tony Takitani with Ngeow and her classmates. The movie was good lah.. Like the short story. It was an acceptable adaptation surprise (or maybe no surprise!) since Murakami is my god. After which I went home again. Tsk, and got ready for art.

Which was, I've mentioned, unproductive.

Those of you who don't know the way to my hse, I'll upload a (painstakingly) self drawn map
















Apparently some people think my PAINTing lessons have gone to waste? TSK.

The Jiawen I Know

Jezebel feels completely dismantled when she looks at you says:
SEXUALITY IS FLUID, says shane
droll thing life is says:
i am SEXUALITY, says jiawen.
droll thing life is says:
or rather, sensuality
Jezebel feels completely dismantled when she looks at you says:
fuck you


What kind of friends do I have?

Know Thine Enemy

You and I know what the real deal is.

GP paper tomorrow and I am going to suck again. Well I expect the paper to be really really tough since Jasmine Tan the Patron Saint of all things intelligent and incomprehensible (uncomprehensible?) says the paper is going to be a tough one. Wahlao to think that I thought GP was my saving grace. Life sucks. There are so many things I've not completed. Revision wise I mean.

Math:
Complex No
All of Stats
App of Integration
Etc Etc

History:
P2
Social impact of Colonialism
Nationalism
Pol development of Singapore

P3
Globalisation of Cold War
End of Cold War
Sino Soviet Split yada yada yada
UN
A bit of Intl Economy

Econs:
Macroecons

I hate myself! Can anyone pls help me out. Anyway I didn't go for art today. Regretting the decision since I'm so friggin bored at home anyway. Plus reading articles on wikipedia is not really my ideal way of spending a nice windy evening.

OH OH OH does anyone feel like catching Tony Takitani and Pretty Persuasion with me. The first is by Haruki Murakami my fave author of all time! And the Ryuichi Sakamoto soundtrack should be a plus. Pretty Persuasion .. everyone should know. Pls pls pls someone watch them with me (although I know I should be studying). Ong change your mind abt studying pls!

Hmmm.

Just one last thing, know thine enemy.

I wish I poo clouds

I only ever wanted to speak poems, unforgettable lyrics, about my nights (and days and mornings) with whoever. That time was sublime. Of course.

Night study with Berly was productive, did like some SEA hist and math graph sketching. Stress is a big word thrown around quite frequently, I'd like to think. I may have used the word countless times in the past. But I think the full weight of the word has begun to take its toll on me. But of course, I'm not about to give the run-of-the-mill details of what I have (or haven't, for that matter) touched on for the impending Prelims. Gah. Because I knwo that everyone's life sucks and, well just get on with life. I SHALL.

Writing yourself a testimonial, though, is one of the most.. absurd things that I've ever heard. In fact, I was so amused I wrote Berly a testimonial. Words like "conscientious" and "listening ear" or even "helping hand" were in abundance. For "lollipop talk and fluffy language" sake. When Berly gets into like some Uni she's going to realise how lucky she is to have a friend like me. She'll even appreciate "go-to-girl" (doubt it). haha

Okay enough with my average tired life.
Farewell my concubine.

Wake me out of my lifelong stupor

Blogging twice a day in the span of merely err... 4 hours. Or five for that matter proves something, that I'm not studying. Hardiharhar.

That evening I saw your eyes turn dark filled with lust/love. Not quite. Grief and doubt, I think.

P/S: ong has a blog i'm ecstatic. I want to link my friends. Anyone wants to volunteer doing my html shit for me. I partake in computer (il)literati.

This is not a just image, this is just an image

So I have no pictures whatsoever to put up and nothing interesting has been happening to me. Interesting enough to blog about, that is. I just didn't want to abandon this blog because I've promised not to haha.

Well last night was Nat's party in her pretty darn cool condo. Sad that Steph couldn't make it, I hope she pulls through the.. School Crisis thingy. Adel Cal Nat Wallace (and Sister) and I were having a whale of a time in the karaoke room. So cool right, a KTV in the condo hahaha. We sang BSB. Ok I will not use the collective term 'We' because I didn't know half the lines of Backstreet Boys songs. Nat is Backstreet Girl, alongside Calista. Adel was "taxidriver-in-Calcutta" girl.

I know lately I have not been a good friend to many of my friends. I've not yet mastered the skill of maneuvering my way around certain people. I know for a fact that some things I have done have caused unduly bewilderment and astonishment from many people. But I would just like to appeal to all my friends to hold their tongues, and stop judging me. I've talked shit about so many people, I know it when people talk rot about me. Some people are open books to begin with. I really wish to get rid of this barrier between us, this constant judging that we do about each other based on one-off incidents. Plus, it's really my life. Why does it bother people that I do certain things different from what I used to do, "Stella has changed", etc etc, if I treat you all the same? It doesn't change anything does it.

Apparently not lah, in some people's opinions.

Obviously, this is not to say that I'm faultless. I admit that I have a very different attitude to life than previously. Maybe some people cannot agree with my shift in viewpoints. I don't know. All I'm saying is that I am trying my very best at this point in time. If anyone doesn't see my effort then I think there's nothing left to say. I'm truly sorry. And I'm truly sorry that I don't cherish our friendship enough to change further.

Disclaimer though, I still love my friends alot. Old and new.

Jeux D'enfants

Despite the rep the movie got, I still like it. It doesn't matter if I'm pretentious. I like what, cannot is it.

Anyway that was random? Today I stayed for night study again. Studied after school with ngeowson and jan. Ngeowson.. well, she opened Pandora's Box again today. What's new right. Anyway I hope you obtain your heart's Desire tomorrow, or sometime soon. Since tomorrow is Teachers Day. After that I studied with Hwing and Jan in the smelly canteen. In which we studied properly for the first 2 hours and then we got distracted and played word games. Irritating word games. And they taught me rhymes! Childhood rhymes I never got to know (I lived in a 3rd World country -- Ngeow you happy?). And some others we made up, involving carpenters, gunmen, ice cream sellers, bikers etc etc. Children's games.

Yeah anyway, it's been a few nights now, that palsie felt shitty every night. Fanfuckingtastic I feel the same way. "Self induced" happiness haha it's just a state of mind. Convince yourself and that'd be enough.. I hope I learn how to do it real soon before I destruct everything around me (tangible and intangible). I hate whiny girls who say they're feeling fucked and down and dead.. I'm not about to turn into one of those girls. Aiya anyway the gist of it is that I'd like all of you to tell all the girls/guys ruining your lives out there to fuck off. You know why lah. Tonight is Incoherent Night Part 2.

The cognitive ability to NOT act on your impulses make you human. No maybe not really. Less of a beast.

So I'm meeting tabs tmr I hope Hwing and Jan can make it pls pls pls.
BYE I HATE SCHOOL EXCEPT EXCEPT EXCEPT friends families and lovers
piss out ha ha ha bad joke

I'm totally enamored by your life

I just came home from art! I'm so tired. But I know I will lose my (already dwindling) audience if I go on whining about my state of physical and mental health. Anyway in the cab home just now the cab driver chuckled at Q. After Q was dropped off, I asked why he laughed. HAHA the bastard said Q's voice was funny. Retard.

Turned out he's a tattoo artist by day and a cabbie by night. Wow (not coooool). Yeah so what was I getting at again? Oh.................................................. I just cannot seem to remember.

My studies = Shit, so I've decided to reform my study methods. I am going for night study tomorrow. With none other than ngeowson I think? Cup noodles girl of 2006. I'm trailing off. I can't structure proper sentences at this time of night. Argh.

Tabi: You asshole why has your hol started? and you've not been talking to me you prick! you know what to do.

Till the next unengaging and dumbed down post.
You, you you you you you you you.
De battre mon coeur s'est arrêté.

Our Memories, Well, They Tend To Be Inviting

Well I hate history
and econs
and perhaps math.

My lacklustre, or should I say, pedestrian academic achievements have been nothing more than a letdown?. I'm getting demoralised again Ugh how I hate school. Maybe it's my fault, I should have studied I shouldn't have gone to Hong Kong and spent loads of money I would have been better off staying on to study in Singapore during the June hols. Maybe I should have left before JC and I would be doing some shitty course in SF with my cousins now like Accounting or perhaps.

But thank God I stayed. Shudders. I wouldn't have made friends in CJ, or, I don't know.

Anyway.
Mat Rocker Fest is under way. Expect something exciting.

PS: I love the polaroids. Lazy to upload, look to JW's blog.
PPS: I know noone reads this bullcrap I write everyday except Charles, out of pity for fellow Indons? If anyone else reads this I appeal to your good nature to tagg, it'd be nice!

Comme une image!

I'm a Jam Tart, I'm a bargain basement,
I'm a work of art, I'm a magic casement,
A coal cellar, an umbrella, a sewing machine,
A radio, a hymn book, an old french bean,
The Royal Scot, a fairy grot, a storm at sea, a tram--
I don't know what I am,
You've cast a spell on me.

Pandora Ngeow introduced me to the wonderful world of Auden, and for that I am thankful. So, today was uneventful, I went to Borders just to utilise that crappy 20% off coupon that they gave me the last time round, and I got like 6 books I wish I were dead - so broke now. However yesterday. Hmmmm yesterday. It was a good day.

So Pandora came over to "study" or give off the impression that we were studying to my grandparents and family in general with the ulterior motive of them letting me get out in the evening. and Pandora sure didn't miss her chance of flirting with a certain someone in my place. So my bday Lolita themed? (berly's fav joke) And then after that we went to Botanics Garden to celebrate Val's bday. We had to get lost first, typical. After much shouting and waving of those light sticks thingies we joined the party (of One) = Val herself. Later on Q Joanna Peihan and Fiona came down too. I WANT MY POLAROID!

Anyway, I was speaking to someone (once? maybe?) very important to me. After the brief conversation I realised that i still feel the same pang of worry and concern that i felt when she used to run into shit. Now that she's somewhat... distant, I don't know what to make of it. I emphathise and sympathise, but there really isn't anything I can do to help. I don't really like this feeling of helplessness.

On a totally unrelated note, my ideal world will be a world ruled by Reciprocity. Of course, I feel that I give a lot into something. Most things, in fact, that I do. But I don't see why I don't receive the same amount of effort in return. Hmmm, then where did my extra effort go to? (Econs students, deadweight loss?) haha. Luckily (maybe not) I have been manipulative enough in the past to see through some people's actions to know. I've been there, done it.

So the equation of reciprocity of intangible things on planet earth is what? R1 = k R2?
What is k?

I don't know lah. Someone tell me?

He jests at scars which never felt a wound

HIHI sorry for the lack of updates, i have been busy in school and with friends and all. what have i done recently? not much, except an art exhibition yesterday (thursday). i love the pretentious arty farty air! i know, i'm a shallow bitch but i really do, can't help being honest here. scoff if you want, i really loved the paintings and prints that were exhibited (to us inhibited).

Highlight of the day, of course, was Arab Street, Haji Lane, beach road army market with ngeowson mandela. i was genuinely glad that we had a good talk today, those comparison and contrast we always make about our lives, our (common) friends, i can be judgmental when im around pandora ngeow. i'm thankful! im not trying to be a sunshine bimbo bitch here, but really. i appreciate all you've done for me.

Highlight of the day part two! Dinner with ong in hol v, the brilliantest place in singapore (almost) and the brilliantest friend i have (almost, haha no la, really). It took me quite a while to get all warmed up for the conversation and all but in the end we had great fun like we always did. and she admits that ive gained a sizeable amount of flesh on my legs and face 0_0 ugh.

With them, it's like perfection. Yes, perfection. It rests its full weight upon the core of my being, and theirs, like a corpse sealed inside a glacier - a magnificent glacier of ice like stainless steel. Only ten thousand years could melt such a glacier. But i couldn't live for ten thousand years of course, and so i will have to live with this perfection, and die with this perfection, and be buried with this perfection.

Perfection and Them and I beneath the ground.

Ten thousand years go by. Then, perhaps, the glacier melts in darkness and perfection thrusts its way out of the grave to reveal itself on the earth's surface.

But never mind. These events would not take place until 12,006.