Some Kind Of Wonderful

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

Yo friends and lovers and haters, all unite. I haven't been blogging much, a lot of it due to time constraints. Yeah anyway the past few days have been okay, so-so. Fun = eating, went to Cikgu's house with the much appreciated classmates yay. And I saw Mrs Winter, a semi surprise, according to her #01 Fan. Huh, who? I don't know la... Anyway. In the day I'd think "Ok I'm gg to blog about this" but now, I've forgotten what I wanted to say.

Anyway the "bio friend" tag ahahahaha so refreshing! Wenhsin I haven't talked to you for so long!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I'm quite positive you failed! And we were the only ones who failed ok! Tsk, my legacy lives on. I hate Mrs Goh la she secretly bitchy. What the hell happened to Lisa Joelle Eileen Xinyu Claire Sam Nabha Masada Huilin Serene (!!!!!!) Rudy!!!!!!! I MISS EVERYBODY and vegetarian stall.

Today was spent at Forum, I pretended that I belonged. I wish! And, after 7 solitary hours of Econs mcqs and random Math questions, I met the decadent and hedonist jiejie (everyone guess who!) and MonstaQ. Well I really need to lose a million kgs.. Eveyone needs to. Oh ya I forgot Study. STUDY STUDY STUDY SIAL. STUDY AND DONT EAT = DELL MARIE BUTLER = HOT CHICK.

Fuck lah I'm blogging Fluff.

Oh yeah who ever taught us that being well read is better than being ignorant?
That heartbreak is painful?
Nonsense, these man made "emotions".

P/s: Ok Charlesmana I burn the songs for you. I'll bomb your house if you say they aren't good. Remember I'm Indon in other words Third World-er. Right, ngeowsie?

Mrs. Dalloway

Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been.

V.

Apres moi.. What?

What an unfortunate time to be online, if you ask me. But you don't ask me, so that's fine.

I have tuition later and Hweeying needs to be ressurected from slumber and Imelda has yet to reply my text! I wonder if CharLesmana is going later. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is so sad I want to weep weep weep. Burn baby burn.

It suddenly dawned on me also, that I should probably study for GP. So like read up random facts? Or practice compre? If I screw up GP I'm gonna go on a killing spree. OMGGGGG I'M SO BORED I COULD DIE.

Pretty Piece Of Flesh

Fucking peristalsis does not do it for me! For the uninitiated,

Peristalsis

Pronunciation: "per-&-'stol-s&s, -'stäl-, -'stal-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural peri·stal·ses /-"sEz/
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek peristaltikos peristaltic
: successive waves of involuntary contraction passing along the walls of a hollow muscular structure (as the esophagus or intestine) and forcing the contents onward

Wow Crescent didn't do a bad job "educating" me after all! I still remember my Bio stuff from like the early days. Ha ha ha. I remember, Jiawen (not really a friend yet at that time) in Sec 3 January or February, passed the questions and answers to the very first Bio test to my friend Wenhsin and I. And as fate would have it, the whole class passed and the both of us failed. And ill fate would continue both our careers in Biology from then on, up till Prelims. And okay lah I remembered us not faring to lousily in Prelims. Hmmm nostalgia nostalgia Earl Grey for the mind.

And so I digress.

I had wanted to rant about the lack of movements in my large intestines and consequently, the rectum. But let's not even go there.

The past few days have been a blur of like, mad rush of cramming Math and stuff. Can someone remind me what day it will be tomorrow? And I feel that I've neglected my friends la. The only one I'm seeing everyday is Hwee (not that I'm complaining la). Yeah but the chixwingz gangz? Ngeowsonz? QQ?? Ong (smart bitch who abandoned me not vice versa) & Cupcake. Which reminds me! I saw Kisha yesterday. Omg so exciting!! We talked and shrieked for an hour or so. Crescent Rulz 4Evahr!

Aiya I have no scandal but my friends reckon it's better that, than to get yourself er (sorry for the hackneyed vocabulary) hurt. Screw you half humans with quarter hearts who hurt my friends. I hate family fuckers. Not my family la, I mean people who fuck with family members. Ha ha ha private joke. Bye!

The EnLightened Take Things Lightly

when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
aiya palsie
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
i love u lah haahha
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
tts random
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
but just wanna remind u
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
HAHAHA
when im with you i feel like i could die (and that would be alright) says:
tt mylove is true

HOW ABOUT YAY?

Ok lah I like you also. I really have nothing to blog about! Oh my God I'm turning into one of those er, this is how my day unfolded blah blah blah who the fuck cares what I did what I ate (20 chicken wings in Newton woohoo) who came over to visit (my parents) who I spoke on the phone to (Cheongster) who I miss (friends in general: ONG CUPCAKE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU) what I miss (nasi kuning) what I'm looking forward to (holiday with Ngeowson) what I'm dreading (A Levels).

Okay so that's that, and let's move on with life.

LET ME MAKE YOU A MIXTAPE ALRIGHT? SO EVERYONE PRETENDS TO BE INTERESTED.

1) I'll Find A Way - Rachael Yamagata
2) Let's Get Out Of This Country - Camera Obscura
3) Belle - Jack Johnson
4) What Used To Be French - The Secret Machines
5) Seaside - The Kooks
6) Baby One More Time - Travis
7) Oh Mandy - The Spinto Band
8) How Am I Different - Aimee Mann
9) Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
10) Corcovado (Quiet Nights of Quiet Stars) - Astrud Gilberto
11) Looking Back On Today - The Ataris
12) Fire Department - Be Your Own Pet
13) Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles
14) Diamonds Are Forever - Chaka Khan
15) Circus Maximus - Hot Hot Heat
16) Hello - Hyde
17) Les Feuilles Mortes (Autumn Leaves) - Diana Krall
18) Sixteen Military Wives - The Decemberists
19) Deceptacon - Le Tigre
20) Une Annee Sans Lumiere - The Arcade Fire
21) You Made Me Forget My Dreams - Belle and Sebastian
22) Deep Waters - Incognito
23) Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down - Interpol ******* (I'm a narcissist.)
24) Here Comes A Special Boy - Freezepop
25) William Tell Override - Jets To Brazil
26) Glamorous Indie Rock 'n' Roll - The Killers
27) Driver's High - L`Arc~en~Ciel
28) I Think I Love You - Less Than Jake
29) Embers and Envelopes - Mae
30) Hey Baby, Don't You Know - Midtown
31) Making Out - No Doubt
32) New York Fairytale - No Use For A Name
33) Your Love Is King - Sade
34) She Paints Me Blue - Something Corporate
35) Rue The Day - The Walkmen
36) Song For The Dumped - Ben Folds Five
37) How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
38) Samson - Regina Spektor
39) Let's Get Out Of This Country - Camera Obscura
40) Project Mayhem - Finch

Okay so forty is not the most auspicious number to stop at, but I think I'm too tired to continue. I act cool la ok.

BYE PEACE OUT LUBS LOADS I WISH I HAD INFINITY MONEH TO SPEND.

To buy/get:
1) A pair of Chloe flats
2) A 3.1 Phillip Lim dress
3) Fendi dress (HAHA DREAM ON)
4) Chicken wings
5) Marie France Bodyline
6) Tickets to Paris
7) Everything material for my friends and sister and
8) Manchester United for brother
9) Everything for my mom and pops
10) Buy over Island fucking Creamery I've spent so much money there I need to acquire it
11) Indonesia out of debt

The last one is a bit of a joke, stupid prudes. Bye!

Whose Lie Is It Anyway?

I just watched this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxIJ9swGFUQ) and I don't know why I, along with 7000 other viewers thought it was very funny. Not funny meh?

I met Ngeowsie yesterday albeit not overnight (remember I won't spend another night alone). Yeah and today I went (surprise surprise!) Serene again. Do you think that someone can get diabetes from eating approx 2 scoops of ice cream daily? I think so. Oh no.

I don't really have anything to say actually except.. That I want to say that I have nothing to say.

I'm getting really annoying, OK I get it.

Ha ha I win, bitch.

L is for the way you Laugh at me

I'm really tired and exhausted. And I just realised the two words mean the same thing. Lethargic, sleep deprived etc etc. I'm waiting for Jan to come over and we can study productively I hope. And also I have been eating at least 2 scoops of ice cream daily. I hope today the cycle will break. I'm not going to Serene today. Woohoo congratulate me folks.

Have you guys seen Memento? It's THE film to see! I just saw it online, and I think I need to buy the DVD. It's really really good, tells of this guy who suffers from short term amnesia. He remembers everything up to and until the point of an accident that left him with this psychological "handicap". After which he couldn't remember much of anything at all. So he devised some sort of notes and Polaroids to remind him of people, places, occurences. And tattoos. Especially of the clues that lead him to the murderers of his wife.

Good right?

Very sad though, memories are really just interpretations. They're not a record and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.

So tonight I am (probably) meeting Ngeowsie to study overnight. Woohoo she'd better remember. I'm quite excited.

Lover you should have come over

Yeah so I will quit being irritating and emo today. How's it going pals family and lovers? It's been a long time since I wasn't self-absorbed. Today shall be a new beginning. Haha. Okay yeah seriously. How come I haven't heard from my friends for so long? And family? Huh why is everyone missing in action?

I had set out to meet QQ in mock pretense of "studying" today. Guess what happened lah. We didn't study at all. Walked around for ages before her slippers gave way. And she had to walk barefoot. Cool huh. And she just walked around like that for like two hours. Quite unforgettable wouldn't you say. EH! I still want that pair of shoes that I've loved for like a year. And they're on sale! Still on sale I mean. Yeah sorry I'm so unengaging lah I really don't know what to talk about.

I'm very excited to print my photographs tomorrow! Yeah and on the bright side I'm going to study with Hwee Jan and Javier tmr! Coolio I'll surely get work done cause Jan is Patron Saint of Diligence. Yahaha. I know Polaroid Corporation like went bankrupt and whatever a few years back. But I still want them to shower me with free film. It's an expensive interest la unless some sugah daddy wants to fund my project? My project is to cover my whole wall with it. Woohoo. Oh yes before I forget I actually have more pictures but I haven't printed them. Tomorrow tomorrow!!

Leningradskoye Optiko Mechanichesckoye Obyedinenie party was quite successful. Despite my inability to wind my oktomat properly at all.

Anyway I will miss:
1) Eating Chinese Wok food in the Canteen (with excuses).
2) Hweeying's pained expression when I decide to do #1.
3) Night study.
4) Buying the 1.5 L Ice Mountain.
5) Sleeping in SSYY's class (occassionally I do things like that).
6) SSYY saying "So...." and the boys going "Oh you miss your hometown (Seoul)".
7) Chun's "Aiya sian la".
8) Huiying's not-so-secret roleplay fantasy telling.
9) Jan's endless stories about LDH.
10) Quoting LDH.
11) Actually I'll miss you-know-who (the one I hate in class).
12) Speaking up for Indonesia when people slam me or Charles.
13) Being disgusted about Cheese. You guys know what cheese I'm talking about.
14) "Sine plus sine is two sine cos. Sine minus sine is..." - ThomAssHo.
15) Giving looks to Jared when you-know-who decides to open his/her mouth.
16) Xiao An's comments on people who cannot sing.
17) Xiao An telling me that I should be the nanny to his kids.
18) Picking up sketches of cars on the floor. (Really)
19) Jerm's childlikeness. (PLEASE LETS MAKE BOSSANOVA TOGETHER!)
20) Telling not-so-funny jokes to an audience. Remember my legendary Termite.
21) Looking out of the classroom and seeing Jiawen's tired face.
22) Taking the bus at 7:13 am to reach in time.
23) All of us speaking of how fat and unhappy we are.
24) GP lessons (the most enjoyable lessons I've ever had in my whole life).
25) Jasmine Tan (the most intelligent teacher I've ever had).
26) #25's sarcasm and intolerance of stupid and teenager-ish (read: 2T06) behaviour.
27) "SIGHHHH", Mr (Guess who).
28) Conversations and music reviews with Gomes.
29) Turning around to give the middle row people weird looks.
30) CIKGU YATI pls!
31) Bumping into Berly, and inadvertently the new Sandra Tan Wee-nah in the canteen.
32) Hockey-ers. I think they call themselves Hockers.
33) Ogling at the J1s and gossipping about them. "Eh XXXX had a pregnancy scare yknow!"
34) Knowing politics about people who are not related to me at all.
35) The grouchy (let's say a little androgynous) uncle at the drinks stall.
36) Playing Boggle everywhere. On the whiteboard on lecture notes in lecture halls.

There you go.

I'd Rather Be With You

No more grand stand, no more nothing. Friends forever, yes friends? Cheesy as hell but I love all of you like hell.

Thank you for the kind words. And the memories. I didn't think I'd be upset. I guess I was wrong.













There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard













No song that I could sing but I can try for your heart













Our dreams, and they are made out of real things













Like a, shoebox of photographs with sepiatone loving













Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart


















Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?













It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving


I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together


And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight


But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings and brings new things


















For tomorrow night you see that they'll be gone too

But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene

I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between with only two just me and you

Not so many things we got to do or places we got to be

I believe in memories; they look so, so pretty when I sleep

Hey now, and when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me

But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing

We're better together.

Emotional Anarchist

Okay this blog is like a good friend, that doesn't suffer from wear and tear of my excessive abuse and verbal diarrhea.

I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend, if it makes you feel alright
I'll get you anything, my friend, if it makes you feel alright
'Cause I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love.

Peel Me A Grape

So Hwee and Grace came over to study slash tan. But in the end we got neither done. Well we attempted to do the latter, but the sun went away after like fifteen minutes. And then the study part, okay both of them did some productive work while I tried hard not to snooze off. Okay what's new?

I'm really sick of this space though I may decide to move soon. Although I've only used this url for like 2 months. Ok so that's how I am. Non-committal. In trivial things like these. And other things too.

Like studying. Oh my God, life works in wondrous ways (alliteration queen). I just saw a pop-up. Mail received from Brightsparks. Gah that stupid online services that will match your requests for scholarships and your achievements etc. This is stressful. Scholarship my pantat lah I can't even pass my Prelims properly.

So I saw Kisha in school today. She came for filming or something. How exciting. I can't wait for after-JC education. Is that even called that? All my friends have lofty aspirations. I wish I could be like them. Be more assertive. More ambitious. Whatever happened to AAB and A1 wish? Haha fat hope. Jared says "Either Law or International Relations". Hwee says "SMU or Australia". Then there are the occassional oscillations between SMU or NUS.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that I'm incoherent. Sorry! If that isn't evident enough.

I'm planning to give Cikgu and Jasmine-I-only-won-the-linguistics-prize-Tan a card on Friday. I love them. They actually made my JC life bearable/memorable.

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

Just to cheer all the History students up. I got tired of studying Reagan's policies. So I searched for political cartoons and look what I found! Funny lah.

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche

Yo yo embryo? I really should be studying to prepare for tomorrow's math mock, but it just isn't coming to me. The determination I mean. As usual we went to Serene to study again but after a while got too tired and sleepy so decided to come home and sleep. Gah sian.

I cannot wait for Marie Antoinette! Lousy reviews but never you mind! I adore Kirsten Dunst. And I adore Sofia Coppola more. Who could forget the Virgin Suicides? Oh and Lost in Translation? Almost everyone I know hated Lost in Translation. I don't know. Anyway I just need to see Marie Antoinette please! Exams are real spoilers to coincide with the opening of the movie here.

Why is it chilly tonight? Besides the fact that my air conditioning is turned up to 17 Degrees Celcius. Well if it will increase my metabolism rate I don't mind at all. I must have eaten 50 chicken wings in the past week alone. And about 4/5 scoops of ice cream. I hate myself lah I wish I were anorexic. Bah. 6 kg please go away by magic. Or Faust? Please?

Why are we so materialistic? Are our lives so unbearable and mediocre that we have to have materialist aims to work towards? What is the point in aesthetics? Nothing I say will adequately elucidate why we are so transfixed on material. I keep contradicting myself - I love material things. Shower me with them!

I'm still torn (well, too extreme, but let's just say, undecided) between San Fran and LA for post-JC education. I don't really know what I want. I don't know. That day Josef Tan said, "You're going to do interior design? You're not going to learn anything". And I (kind of) totally agree. I replied, "Yeah I don't plan to". I'm a bitch. My conscience wouldn't let me waste my parents' moneh like that. I'd be better off going home and helping them in the office right? It's the lazy way out though. And they'll never agree. Besides it took them quite some time to accept the idea of me going somewhere else for University. So? I myself prophesise that I wouldn't be a good diligent conscientious student. I'm much too irrresponsible. Teamed with the fact that my cousins most probably won't be in Cali anymore. Of course I'm happy for them and hope that they enter NYU and all, buttttttttt. You know lah. Anyway if you do go to NYU please send my regards to Mary-Kate and Ashley ok Felix and Feb?

So this Friday. Graduation. How am I supposed to feel about it?

Lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken

Haha so today wasn't that productive in the Academic Department. All's good anyway. Just the haze and all. And my weight. Yes weight issues. Cheongster consoled me last night by saying that everyone has weight issues. I am glad that others are suffering with me.

Uhh sorry that my posts have been not so substantial, not like anyone really reads this space (ok come on friends here you come in to say that you read this narcissist shrine religiously). EH! Shrine....... Temple........... Geddit geddit?!

Bob Marley (apparently) once said "When you smoke the herb, you reveal you to yourself".

Lunar Sea

At first you're curious. It entices you, and you are quickly drawn into this quicksand.

You know, that feeling of security is just temporary. Be warned. For feeling that you have warranted your own death.

A swift, precise stab of that knife is implanted in your heart. It's a clean cut. So swift and precise, in fact, you don't feel a thing. You just live with it.

A few weeks, months, or years later, you continue throwing cautions to the wind. You live the best time of your life. You give your soul away. You begin to make modest little plans, dream modest little dreams.

Except that someone twists the knife and pulls it out nonchalantly.

And then, you lose your breath.

And you start to fall.

You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed

Today, there were three. Who ponned I mean. And it happened so that Hwee Jan and I ponned on the same day. Hmmm the amount of rolling Ms Smith's eyes must do tomorrow. Poor eyes. I studied today though. At Serene the ever so cool environment to study. Well I can't really decide if the greasy smell of the place, the shrieky St Margs girls, or the constant looking up to check out who's there is causing me to be not as productive as I should be. Bah.

I went to the doctor too! My life is over! I gained 2 kgs again! 5x.x kg now! Hweeying too! Omg! Doc says I won't die from long term dosage of Kestine! Woopee! I might die from haze though! Cos I have asthma! (Just in the spirit of peppering every sentence with an exclamation mark).

Asthma, which means that I will die soon - the haze. To think that I always stand up for that wretched Third World country. Now it's killing me! Fucking Sumatra dwellers better get your acts together stop burning forests. Poor forests poor bears poor tigers poor birds poor acacia plants poor sandalwood plant. Go to hell insects. Poor us asthmatic assholes.

Doctor: Have you been feeling breathless recently?
Me: Huh no. Why?
Doctor: You mean to say noone has complained about your wheezing pretending to be breathing?
Me: Er no, but thanks.
Doctor: Ok I will have to pry open your oesophagus.
Me: Huh!
Doctor: Sorry sorry I meant airway.

But my all time favourite (well not really cos I just heard it last Saturday) Doctor Patient story is from Berly, who had to fill up her many cavities. So while the dentist filled up her cavities..

Berly: OUCH OW OW (X 10)
Dentist: So how old are you this year?
Berly: Eighteen..
Dentist: Ok then can you act like it?

I like.

You call yesterday the past?

"The painter considered for a few moments. 'He likes me,' he answered, after a pause; 'I know he likes me. Of course I flatter him dreadfully. I find strange pleasure in saying things to him that I know I shall be sorry for having said. As a rule, he is charming to me, and we sit in the studio and talk of a thousand things. Now and then, however, he is horribly thoughtless, and seems to take a real delight in giving me pain. Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer day' "
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Oscar Wilde
The Penguin Classics collection.

Anyway WOOHOO I'm still sick. I know, I know, I should quit whining right? OK fine, Ho. Haha. I met Mr HOSEF (omg omg) today. Yea bitches. Well he told us what we should do in the future - in my case, nothing, since I'm not particularly interested in storing new things in my overused/underused (whichever you deem fit) brain. My brain cells getting lonely yknoww, need more friends.

All my friends seem bit upset about their grades :( okay same here. (HAHA except for someone who texted me his GP grade straight away - rolls eyes but congrats ok. Impressive la not being sarcastic) Anyway just wish you guys all the best for the real thang cos that's what really matters yes? All this motivational shit. Ok lah don't read my blog anymore lah.

Yikes shit what else was I going to say ah?

Oh Ong's friend says she saw me at the Econs place and I looked guniang HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Those who go beneath the surface do so at their own peril. Okay?