I love Yukio Mishima

SAINT-FOND : Here I am, bursting in on you, without even waiting to be announced. I'm sure you don't mind. It's not as if I flew through the window on a broomstick.

MONTREUIL : Whatever do you mean? (Crosses herself)

SAINT-FOND : Crossing yourself doesn't suit you as well as Madame de Simiane. You seem to be doing it despite yourself, for appearances' sake.

MONTREUIL : Don't mind me. Say anything that will make you happy.

SAINT-FOND : I decided to call on you today because something happened that I must tell you about. Last night I played the part of a Madame de Montespan in the days of the Sun King.

MONTREUIL : You gave your favours to the King? But they say the present King...

SAINT-FOND : No, let me tell you what happened, in the proper sequence. I need a good listener like you, someone of courage and daring, not like that timid mouse of a Simiane. I need someone who will pose to the bitter end as the apostle of virtue.

MONTREUIL : I'm much obliged for the compliment, Madame de Saint-Fond.

SAINT-FOND : I've become utterly bored with the artifices of love and the nasty machinations, with masked entertainments and incognita excursions among the lower classes, and with all the rest. I have even become bored of my own bad reputation. I've tried telling myself that what I was doing was sinful, but what it began with the bedroom and ended with the bedroom, and that's all. I've tried telling myself it was love, but all I tasted was ashes mixed with honey. It occured to me then that if I could somehow add an element of the sacred...

MONTREUIL : I can'r believe you are considering the religious life!

SAINT-FOND: Please be reassured on that score. When you gradually come to demand more and more spice in your pleasures you remember how much as a child you enjoyed being punished, and you even come to feel cheated unless somebody is punishing you. That's what gives people such a thrill when they spit on the invisible Master, provoking him and arousing his wrath. But sanctity is a lazy dog. When he's stretched out in the sun, abandoned to his nap, you may grab its tail or pull his whiskers, but he won't even open his eyes, let alone bark.

MONTREUIL : Are you implying that God is a lazy dog?

SAINT-FOND : Yes, a decrepit one.

MONTREUIL : I'm glad that my daughters are grown women. If you said such things before an adolescent girl...

SAINT-FOND : But, Madame, I haven't even begun the story I'm so anxious for you to hear. I seriously misjudged the Marquis de Sade. I used to wonder if that blond-haired, white-handed chastiser, that man shaking his whip, that executioner, might not be an agent of God. But now I realise how mistaken I was. The marquis is just another member of my crowd, he belongs to my party. Around the lazy dog taking his nap the flagellants and the flagellated, the chastisers and the chastised are no more than pathetic nuisances, exactly the same in character. One man attempts to provoke the dog by whipping somebody, another by being whipped, one by shedding blood, another by allowing his own to be shed.... And still the dog doesn't even deign to open his eyes. The Marquis de Sade and I are accomplices.

MONTREUIL : How did you discover this?

SAINT FOND : I didn't discover it. I felt it.

MONTREUIL : And when was this?

SAINT-FOND : When I was serving as a table.

MONTREUIL : As a table?

The sisters exchange whispers of surprise.

SAINT-FOND : Of course. Anyone can become a table. But let me be more explicit. I was stripped naked, and my body was used as the alter for a mass.

Her listeners gasp.

Il m'aime un peu, beaucoup, passionnément, à la folie, pas du tout

Hello friends, friends I consider family, family I consider friends, and voyeurs! It's been such a long time, it seems, since I posted anything substantial in here. No pressure though, yes? It is my own private space.

I am back from the town of Shark/Crocodiles = Surabaya. Was there with sister and her fiance (I hope you all detect a little harmless sarcasm instead of an ill intention). Yes there was nothing to be done there except eat, and eat we did. The food was damn good. FYI: that is the glorious region of the Third World where Ayam Penyet originates from. So we ate and we ate and did little else. WELL, I did little else. I don't know about them.

Okay enough HAHAHA fuck la my sense of humour rocks. But the previous sentence probably killed all its goodness.

Hmmm I know how much you hate a run through of my day. But as of now I am just too exhausted to be poring through philosophical questions on life and the universe. Plus my iPod is dead, I think.

Tired

So how's everyone? I hate being here. Ok bye not in the mood for blogging

Moon River My Foot

Okay so I decided to change my font a little bit, thought it'd make a difference. Not really. I only just noticed that there is a font called Webdings like sdkjhasd is webdings man. Oh I like doing that... fuck! oh my god!! That's like SO COOL I just cursed in Webdings! HAWHAWHAW I love this thing. Well anyway I hate my computer cause I can't like, access like, so many pages man. Why why why.. I'm a bit upset at this point. For example, as I am trying to pay my online class fee, the page suddenly freezes mid-monitor. I hate life!!!! And I am fine, for those of you who want to know. Okay.



AHH spent the whole day in bed again watching the entire Grey's Season 2. It was bad. I hate it when you've watched something once you just don't want to see the drama and all the bad things unfolding. I don't know about you, but it's this way for me. Like like, I just skip all the drama and watch the "uninteresting" bits like erm random people coming in with different - how do I put this delicately- maladies. Yes! And like shrieking in happiness and gloat when I recognise the special guest stars for that particular episode. "OOh that's Alice from L Word!" and "OOO that's emmett from Queer As Folk!" and also "Eh!! Micah!". So. Yeah I really have zero life.

Now even my curly hair has turned straight. SOMEONE PLEASE COME ONLINE HOW COME YOU ALL PRETEND TO BE MY FRIENDS BUT NOONE'S HERE WHEN I NEED YOUU that said I love all my friends still.

Did You Know....

... that Leon Trotsky had an affair with Frida Kahlo! Call me ignorant, but I only just found out!!

... that I've been passing time by Googling such random and useless facts without any regards to its credibility and usefulness.

I am now chatting with Febby and reading the Dilbert Blog archives. Seriously, noone has seen such an influx of blog entries from me in such a long time huh it just shows how utterly meaningless being bedridden in the hospital is. I wish someone could come online and chat with me for a while. It'd make everything so much bloody easier.

Where does my sister get off for accusing me that I'm faking my illness? I did try to tell her to sod off but it didn't work. Maybe I should read up on how to shut irritating sisters up temporarily. Her boyfriend though, OH sorry not her boyfriend anymore.. Now her fiance (insert gags here) has been nothing but sweet and forwarding me jokes and they're hilarious.

AHH having time to toss and turn in bed I suddenly thought of CJC and how all my classmates behaved last year and what kind of shitty fun we used to have. Something that I particularly remember well was when Charles.. HAHAHHAHAH well it's okay I don't want to air his dirty laundry here... (Pun NOT intended) but well, yeah. Good times. Only a few people know what I'm talking about, people like Kai Hwee Huiying Jan and Imelda.. Good times good times indeed. If I could raise a toast I would, but I look around and all I can see is my bed my aircon and outdated copies of Nylon and 1997 Vogue that belongs to my sister. Sigh, whatever.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You... Much Much Weaker

Fever doesn't show signs of subsiding any time soon. And today's blood lab reports show that my trombocite levels have gone down quite remarkably if not dangerously. Therefore.... I will be admitted into the hospital AGAIN tomorrow morning. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, well there isn't anything to say actually I only wanted to say that I've been lapsing in and out of sleep so much these days I don't remember replying any of your get well messages. So thanks everyone! I feel like Paris Hilton going to jail. Or something to that effect lah. Okay.. That's about how much I could type before I felt a headache coming on again. So bye bye and talk to you guys soon! XOXO

Stella is Sick(ening)

After a not-so-brief encounter with dengue and typhoid fever (and only 3 kgs lighter), I'm back and good as new! Some of you will try and refute this statement and say sickening as new. Ok anything la. I am so tired lah zhen de. I still have headaches especially after I shower etc hahaha that was the most random confession. Ugh I think I may have Munchausen's - I hope that's how you spell it cos my head is throbbing so much I can't be bothered to Wiki it. Whines, groans, dies (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ring a bell my friends?)

So anyway life has been a bit erm unfruitful over here. Thank God for the Internet. Despite all the problems. Haiya I had something to blog about when I decided to blog. But I wonder what it is now? My brain is so overwhelmed by I don't know what. Headache perhaps.

Ok that's just a little heads up for the pals and whoever. And Q enjoy your hol ok! Bring back a hot mediterranean dude.

/edit

Anyone who sees this, it's mandatory that you visit Lapillus Accessories I mean buy something for yourself or your girlfriend or your boyfriend or something. The owners of the site keep stabbing my conscience (weird expression but never mind) and say that I don't buy shit from them. So free advertisement! And their stuff = good. Ok? Buy one of those wooden thingies and the jewelry too. Please?